How to Silence Your Inner Mean Girl

How to Silence Your Inner Mean Girl

I don’t know a single person that hasn’t been guilty of partaking in negative self talk.  Ranging from “wow I am so stupid” to “my body is so disgusting, my stomach is flabby, my thighs are huge, and I am so worthless”. We all have that inner mean girl. I know I’ve hit basically all the levels of extremes on the negative self talk scale. It was a daily practice for a majority of my life. Picking out every single flaw I saw until I was so upset with my body and myself that I would just fall into a puddle of tears on the floor. I can’t recall many times that I felt worse than I did in those particular moments.

I would see those girls on Instagram that appeared so at peace with themselves, preaching self love and talking about positive affirmations. They said they would look at themselves in the mirror and tell themselves how beautiful they were, how amazing they were.

And to someone in the dark place that I was in, not only did that sound ridiculous, it sounded impossible. I physically couldn’t bring myself to speak anything positive about myself aloud. I was hoping this magic switch would flip and I would have a break through and it would become possible. Spoiler alert - that didn’t happen. And I just kept waiting for something to click to would make it easier to implement. So I waited. Miserable and full of self loathing, for this magic moment to occur where I would be okay with myself. I thought it was all or nothing. Complete self hatred or absolute self love. I didn’t realize there was an in-between; an entire continuum of self acceptance that could be ventured across.

And it was when I got to an ultimate low (my nursing school breakdown) that I realized I couldn’t just sit and wait self love into existence. I had to take action. I had to do SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Because I couldn’t live how I was living any longer. So I started small. I started by not even really DOING something, but stopping something. And that was stopping the negative self talk.

I had no idea how overwhelming my negative inner dialogue was until I decided I needed to stop it. I realized it from when I would wake up in the morning and do my daily body checking in the mirror, to getting a test result that was worse than a classmate’s, and the only thoughts that surfaced were negative and self depreciating.

I really had to use that almighty self awareness during this time. I had to open myself up to being aware of all the thoughts that popped up in my head. And they came, they definitely still came. But I didn’t dare say them aloud, especially to friends and family. I did my best to keep them in my head. And from there when they came, I would let them go. I wouldn’t hold onto those thoughts. I didn’t wish to give those thoughts power any longer. Because they were not the truth. They were not me. They were this inner critique that I had clung to for far too long.

Once I stopped holding onto those negative thoughts, they came less and less frequently.

I gradually became a happier and more positive person. It’s amazing what can happen when you let go of all-consuming negative thoughts.

Once I allowed myself to embrace the positive, room opened up to take in new changes. The negative self talk wasn’t something I had to focus on as much. It didn’t take up as much energy, and so I had energy to adapt new changes.

I began to make lists of things that I liked about myself. I started small and simple, writing things like “my nose”, “my friendliness”. And as time went on, I was able to watch that list grow as I became more comfortable with LIKING myself.

And then came the big shifts: adapting positive affirmations (examples below!), and making lists of things I am grateful for. I don’t know why these were (and still are) hard for me to do. Maybe they will come easier to you (and I hope they do!). But they have made a tremendous difference in me being a more positive person, and in living a better life in general. 

So enough about ME, let’s talk about how YOU can cut out that negative mean girl voice! I’m going to give you a few different things you can implement starting small and working up to big. Now of course, the small things might not feel very small at first, but are a super important place to start and work up from there.

LET’S IMPLEMENT:

SMALL:

STOP the negative self talk. Be super aware of your thoughts and acknowledge the ones that are negative. Acknowledge and release. Let them go. And definitely don’t speak them aloud, unless you wish to do so to give them less power. Because they are not true. They are your ultimate inner critique trying to break you down. But they do not have that power. You hold the power. And you are not those thoughts.

MEDIUM:

Make a list of things you like about yourself. Read it over and over. Add to it as time passes. As the negative thoughts get released, more room is available for the positive thoughts. Fill up that new space. 

BIG: 

-Adapt daily affirmations. Write them out each morning and speak them aloud. Reread throughout the day as needed. Start with a few and gradually add to them. Feel free to have the same ones each day or switch them up as you grow and flow and change. (see affirmation lists below)

-Express daily gratitude. Write down 3 things you are grateful for each morning or evening. Speak them aloud to give them more power. Practicing gratitude each day sets you up for a more positive and joyful life. When you recognize what you are grateful for, the negative things don’t seem as big.

Now if you’re thinking… ‘WTF is an affirmation??’ Or… ‘how do I figure out what to be grateful for?’, I’ll give you some examples of both! And I even organized them by category for you. You’re welcome.

AFFIRMATIONS:
*by category

EMOTIONS:
I allow myself to release negative emotions that no longer serve me.
I welcome positive and uplifting vibrations into my space.
I get to choose how I want to feel in all situations.
Positivity is a choice; I choose to be positive.
I am free of worry and I am at peace with who I am.
I am in charge of my happiness.

SELF:
I believe in me.
I am enough.
What I give, I will receive.
I am proud of myself and everything I have accomplished.
I am creating the life I want to live.
I forgive my past mistakes.
I accept myself unconditionally.
I choose to love myself no matter what.

BODY:
I am beautiful.
Her beauty does not lessen my own.
I will love my body, however I look and wherever I am.
I know that all body types are beautiful in their own way.
I am worth more than my appearance.
I love taking care of my body.
I listen to my body and its needs.
My body is healthy, peaceful and happy, and so am I.
Beauty is a state of mind.
My body is capable on amazing things.
I can have a good day, even if I am not completely comfortable in my body.

LOVE:
I love deeply, and will receive that love in return.
I am whole, with or without a partner.
I will find love, because I am filled with it.

GRATEFULNESS:
I invite gratitude into my heart.
I am grateful for this new day.
I am grateful for what I have and for who I am.
I am grateful to feel the beating of my heart and the air in my lungs.

FINANCIAL:
I am financially abundant.
Money flows to me.
Money is a form of energy that I am receiving in exchange for the energy I am giving.
I am wealthy, and am only becoming more so.

JOB SEARCHES:
The job I am looking for is looking for me.
I am an asset to any organization, I prove it in any interview.
I am creating the career of my dreams.
I see myself in my ideal job.
Career change is an opportunity to have the career I want. This time I choose a great career for me.
I am a great employee. Any employer is lucky to have me.

ENTREPRENEURIAL:
I am confident and calm.
There are no limits to what I can achieve.
Today I will move my business forward.
Amazing opportunities are constantly coming my way.
Opportunity and abundance are open to me.

MOTHERHOOD:
I am an amazing mother.
I am in tune with my child’s needs.
Even if I can’t do it all, I am doing my best.
I will always be there when they need me.
As they grow, so do I.

GRATEFULNESS:
Some things to be grateful for if you are stuck and can’t seem to think of any;

EARTH:
The weather (the sun, the rain, the snow, the fog) – it all serves a purpose. And it is all something to be grateful for.

The grass beneath your feet, the sand in your toes, the ocean waves crashing on the shore, the majestic mountains, the mystical desert, any of your surroundings

PEOPLE:
Your loved ones. Family. Friends. The barista that made your coffee. The cashier at Whole Foods that told you to have a great day. The person that told you something you needed to hear but weren’t ready for yet. Your teachers. Your peers. The stranger that held the door open for you. The one that smiled when you passed each other on the street. 

LIFE:
Your job that helps provide for you. The school that you get to go to. The things you get to learn each day. The car you get to drive you to and from (or the option you have to take the bus, or the ability you have to walk).

YOUR BODY: 
Legs that carry you, arms to hold your loved ones, a stomach that held or could carry a child. 

THE FACT THAT YOU ARE HERE. THIS IS MAGIC. THIS IS THE ULTIMATE AND ONLY THING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR IF YOU CAN'T FIND ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL.

Photos by Jenn Petty