How I Increased My Sex Drive

How I Increased My Sex Drive

If you’ve read any of my posts regarding my experience with birth control, you’ll know the depo shot did me dirty and made my sex drive nonexistent. This created a definite hardship in my relationship with my husband and was a huge issue. Even after coming off the birth control I struggled with the fact that I just didn’t find myself “in the mood” basically ever. And honestly, with all of my friends always talking about how much sex they “needed”, I felt as if something was wrong with me because I didn’t find myself feeling the same need.

So I started to hunt down some causes and figure out how to improve this situation and here’s what has helped me boost my sex drive tremendously...

1. Keeping my hormones balanced. Easier said than done, you’ll need to figure out the best way to do this for YOU. But if your hormones are out of whack then your desire might be taking a hit due to it.

I knew that after being on birth control for so long and never quite getting back to baseline, my hormones needed some tweaking.

I highly recommend reading Woman Code by Alisa Vitti (take the detox diet with a grain of salt). This helped really wrap my mind around my hormones and help me take back control of my sex drive among other hormone related issues I was having. Shop it here!

2. Experimenting with self pleasure. This was TERRIFYING to me honestly. I never really masturbated due to the shame attached to it along with wondering why I would if I had a partner so willing to do it with me that I was already neglecting. But I read about how much it helps in Woman Code, and it did! Alisa recommends to start by experimenting with self pleasure with just yourself, hands only - no toys! And go from there.

I just recently started using toys after never experiencing them in my 28 years of life, and WOW. Do it.

3. More orgasms —> more sex drive. Have more orgasms.

If you find it difficult to orgasm with your partner, use that self-touch experimentation and figure out how you get yourself off and try your best to implement this with your partner. Communication is key! You can’t get your partner to magically know how to make you orgasm unless you tell them what you want.

4. Figure out what turns you on. Some people watch porn, I found I get in the mood when reading sex scenes in novels. There’s no shame in what gets you in the mood. We’re all so unique. Unique desires, unique bodies, unique ways to get pleasure. It’s OKAY!

5. I had to realize that we all deserve to feel sexual pleasure. NO MATTER WHAT OUR BODIES LOOK LIKE. Sex is a general human need for most, and there’s no shame in that. Not feeling like I was “sexy” held me back for so long. Sexy is a mindset more than anything. Read this post about how body image affects intimacy here.

6. Going for it whenever I realized I was in the mood. As women, the desire for sex can be EXTREMELY FLEETING. Just because you’re getting me excited while I’m working in the kitchen midday DOES NOT MEAN I’m going to still be in the mood when we go to bed 3 hours later. I personally have a lot more energy and am way more in the mood in the middle of the day than at night. At night there’s usually one thing on my mind - sleep. Go for it when you can.

7. Balancing out my mental, physical, and emotional health. If any of those are way out whack you’re probably not going to be feeling like sex. And having a decreased sex is likely going to affect your mental and emotional health as well! It all goes together.

8. I was patient with myself. I embraced this as a learning process, a journey back to myself. I had to acknowledge that there was nothing WRONG with me, even though I truly believed there was for so long. It turns out I just needed to tweak some things in my life. 

Let’s be choosy with our sex lives. Only you truly know your body and when something just isn’t right. It’s up to you to take control. You are completely capable.